Tuesday, September 6, 2011

A look at sudden change

I have just been sitting here (raining outside, the remnants of tropical storm Lee), and thinking about the sudden trigger that allowed me and Deb to pursue this gypsy life. I hung on to my old life and line dance (have I said that phrase before?) that I pursued for so many years, the numerous self inflicted chains of "honor," and the so-called "American Dream." When I think about it now, It just doesn't make any sense at all. I was hustling and bustling with a business that could barely stay afloat, Deb was doing the same with her accounting job. We raised two boys, through 20 years or so, wanting them to follow in our harassed footsteps. I got a heart condition, and one sad day in a matter of seconds, in 2005, Deb lost much of her ability to think and function because of a little blood bubble in her head that burst. Yes, it was a brain aneurysm.
   So suddenly everything changed. Life reminding me, over the course of a couple of years, that you can work  your butt off and plan all kinds of shit, but any of a thousand different fates could await you, and you realize you are not LIVING at all.
  Just existing on this wonderful planet and doing what most people do, which is play follow the leader. You might just say that you were never the following type, that you do your own thing, and that you are a bonafide individualist.
  I was required to wake up, as I sat there in my bedside vigil beside Deb, who happened to be in a coma. I knew that she might not survive. Months later when she came home, she was of course different. No short term memory. No ability to drive. half blind in one eye. And  a real problem with sudden panic attacks.
   After the operations over the next couple of years, she is somewhat improved. But that sudden event changed everything in our lives, and caused us both to look at what really counts in our lives. We decided we were not going to live pursuing a fantasy, and instead to pursue a dream.
  That dream being traveling wild and free, and taking the time to see through a program of madness. So we are nomads now, and we still have our problems with maintenance, where to camp, gas prices, what to eat, and so forth. But let me tell you, the stress level is considerably reduced. And most of all, we have come together like never before. I have a quiet mind today.

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